a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
