Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
