When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Michael Bay diarrhea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
