My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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