Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
