Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
