he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
