Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
