Don't make out with my wife yet
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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