Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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