I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
