my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
