I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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