I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
