Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
