I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
