I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
