i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
