woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
