my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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