Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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