have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
