Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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