What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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