So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
