At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
