this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Acid is not a monday night drug
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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