I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
two words: eviction party
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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