I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
pray to the hookup gods
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
