My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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