you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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