I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
