What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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