Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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