Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
