A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
