His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
