White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
