Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I smell like Dick and happiness
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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