and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
