I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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