The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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