So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
