we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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