girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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