Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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