What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
