I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
