Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
