She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
