You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
