So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
