He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
