Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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